People I Can Do Without at a Baseball Game


As I was sitting at the Diamondbacks game last night against the Nationals, I was growing more and more agitated as the Dbacks left more and more men on base.  So, I found even the little things were agitating me.  Besides I had the time since the game was entering boredomville.

Don’t get me wrong, most people that show up at a baseball game are true and genuine fans, however there are people I can do without at the baseball game…

People who show up an hour and 15 minutes after the game started, especially if they are seated right in front or right next to you.  Listen people, is it really so difficult to get to the game on time?  You know what time the game starts.  Its printed on that little thing called your ticket!  Why even bother showing up at all at that point?  You just spent $12 on parking, $9 on that large ass beer in your hand, $9 for that foot long heartburn you are about to eat, and $5 on that program about the players you should already know enough about.  Not to mention the $30 you just shelled out for your seat!  So, thats $65 for about an hours worth of entertainment…and that’s just for you.  It’s different if you leave early.  You have intentions of trying to ride it out, but maybe the team you are watching is hitting .100 with runners in scoring position or leaves half a city on base during the game.  So back to that prom date you just brought with you…

….other people I can do without…women who come to the game all dressed up like we are at a night club or dress-up party.  This isn’t a fashion show ladies!  This is a BASEBALL game!!  I could care less about seeing your tattoo of a rose with a dagger through it on the top part of your butt.  No high heels.  Really, you could fall and break your neck.  This isn’t Club Rave or Club Pure.  It’s Chase Field.  Come out and be a fan.  I love enthusiastic people who have a passion for the game, even if some take it too far….

Like people who get all juiced up when a player is announced in the starting lineups.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the passion.  I’d rather have that than the people who really aren’t there for the game itself.  However when you are the only one who screams GO BYRNES!!! (as in Eric Byrnes) at the top of your lungs, it is really annoying.  Right in my left ear.  Listen – I can hear ya!  Tone it down a bit honey.  As long as I am mentioning Dbacks players, who do have representation in this category of people I can do without….

Yes, people like Eric Byrnes.  He’s hitting .042 on the road and .166 overall.  He’s a great personality and did a wonderful thing by having his field named in his honor changed to Saulo Morris, the touching story of the high school boy who died in December.  Byrnes had taken to this young man and was a great friend to him.  So kudos on that.  However, when he comes up to the plate and you can pretty much bet the farm he is going to pop out or strike out, it’s time to do something else.  Are you listening Conor JacksonChris SnyderChris Young?  You are all hitting under .200.  Mark Reynolds, who strikes out four out of every five at bats, you’re included too.  Going back though to other people….

I can do without the flashy dashy Dback girls who come out to throw t-shirts into a crowd of low IQ men.  I love it when grown men 20-40 rows up are clamoring for free t-shirts like it was pure gold, then when they don’t get the shirts, they complain.  I’m sure these girls are nice, but they can’t throw worth a damn.  The shirts usually make it no more than 5-6 rows and any dummy should realize that.  So stop your bitching when you don’t get a shirt Mr. I’m in the 20th row. Speaking of low IQ guys….

Probably the person I hate most at the game is the guy who sits right behind you and knows nothing about the players, but starts talking to his girlfriend or wife or buddy like he thinks he knows.  No Randy Johnson does not pitch for us anymore.  No Brandon Webb isn’t sick, he’s on the disabled list.  No Chad Tracy is still on the team, he’s just been benched because I have a better chance at hitting a $1 million jackpot than he does getting a hit with runners in scoring position.  I don’t profess to know everything, but at least have some general knowledge about what you’ve just paid a lot of money to come out and see.  Or again, stay home or go drink like a fish across the street at Hard Rock Cafe.  Either way, I don’t care, I just don’t need you spewing ridiculous comments and questions for all to hear.

Like I said, there are true and genuine fans who go to the game.  I knew the Dbacks would drop another last night, however I still went.  After seven innings though, I couldn’t take anymore.  I was there an hour and 20 minutes before gametime though to watch the Washington Nationals take batting practice.  Real fans come out and do those things.  Not everyone can do that, but at least show up before the game starts people.  Come armed with at least the knowledge that baseball is played with nine men on the field, played in nine innings, and there are three outs to every half inning.  Otherwise, go do something else.  Go plant a tree.  Go dance on the table tops at San Felipes.  Go for a 20 mile hike in the Superstitions.  Go to a concert at the Marquee where you can stand and yell at the top of your lungs for hours on end.  Go to the Improv if you want to see comedy.  Go to the mall if you want to be seen in your skimpy outfits.  I don’t care….just don’t come to the game if all you are treating it as is a social event for which you could care less about others around you or just know nothing about baseball.  The Dbacks themselves are doing just fine in that category right now….