The Rapture Not Necessarily a Bad Thing for Dbacks
By Scott Allen
If you believe the nutty theologians, The Rapture is coming this Saturday. You know what that is, right? It is basically the end of the world. Anyone who truly believes anything remotely close to what is suggested on Saturday, then you are nutty. However, what if it really did happen? Would it be such a bad thing when it comes to the Arizona Diamondbacks?
- Let’s examine this a little more closely. I mean, honestly, sure the world ends, but it puts a stop to so many other things.
- No more stupid Gnome giveways.
- No more in game t-shirt giveways. The t-shirts that fly out of those shooting thingy’s just create nothing but chaos. You would think gold is being given away the way many fans act when the gun is pointed their way
- No more Kelly Johnson hitting .185
- No more overpriced tickets from Ticketmaster
- No more Esmerling Vazquez fastballs down the middle of the plate
- No more listening to the rants of Darren Sutton and Mark Grace. They are good at what they do and I’m sure nice guys, but they can so easily get off tangents. I think sometimes they forget that they are NOT stand-up comedians.
- No more ridiculous Jack Links promos from Sutton.
- No more leaving the bases loaded in 1-run games
- No more Chris Young pop-ups
- No more ushers at Chase Field telling you to get out of the seat you are occupying in a completely empty section. Let’s get real, if it’s the 5th inning and the section is empty – no one is going to claim the seat. Leave me alone old lady.
- Did I mention no more Kelly Johnson? Yeah, I’m tired of the strikeouts too.
- No more 1-run losses
- No more roof openings when the temperature is 105 or roof closings when it is 80. I will admit, they’ve been much more liberal with the roof this season, but they have 12 years to make up with bad roof decisions.
- No more Mark Grace speeches on maple bats. We get it.
This is just a very small list of the things I won’t miss. How about you? I’m off to get my beer, chips, and pizza and get a front row seat to Saturday’s demise of Earth. Anyone want to join?