What Halloween Candy would each Diamondbacks player be?

(Photo by Whitney Saleski/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images)
(Photo by Whitney Saleski/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images) /

What kind of Halloween Candy would each Diamondbacks player be? Let’s find out!

It’s Halloween time and you know what that means! It’s scary costumes and especially candy time! Whether or not you celebrate this holiday, I’m sure you have a favorite candy or treat of some kind! I thought it would be fun to take a look at the Diamondbacks roster, and Torey and GM Mike Hazen and decide on what type of candy would represent each person! There are only so many candies that I can think of, so I am also including treats that perhaps might be included in your trick-or-treat bag!

Let’s enjoy this scary time of year and come together for scares and treats during this October month. Without further ado, let’s venture into the corn maze of Halloween candy.

GM Mike Hazen: Mike & Ikes because of course. It fits his name and well, it was the first candy I thought of for him.

Manager Torey Lovullo: Payday, since not only is he the elder statesman of the team, but he just got a 1-yr contract extension too.

Catcher Carson Kelly: As a former catcher, I know that you have to constantly keep your eyes on a swivel and turn constantly. As such, the jingle “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop” felt appropriate for the catcher of the roster.

INF Nick Ahmed: The man who is always studying the game, health, and food should be given the name “Smarties”. Not only are they one of the “healthier” candies, but they feel appropriate for a guy who studies baseball.

INF Geraldo Perdomo: The kid of the roster, the youngin, is the Sour Patch Kids.

INF Josh VanMeter: No one seems to like Candy Corn, just like VanMeter, but’s it a clutch low-key candy that can do damage in big spots.

INF Christian Walker: Whoppers, since he can hit the ball FAR. At least against Kershaw and Lefties. Walker’s still got some whoppers left in him.

INF Andrew Young: Pop Rocks since he always seemed to deliver explosions in crucial moments of the game, such as his many pinch-hit HRs.

INF Seth Beer: The young player who hits constant HRs and bombs. Well, Seth Beer deserves the Baby Ruth. Hopefully, he comes close to hitting as well Ruth did.

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INF/OF Ketel Marte: Kit-Kat, Ketel, sounds right, and if you take a piece off of a Kit-Kat, there are many pieces left. Same as Marte, take the glove out of his hand, he can still crush the ball. Kit-Kats are always good and reliable.

OF Jake McCarthy: The Diamondbacks’ rookie fast outfielder who can steal bases deserves the Atomic Fireball.

OF David Peralta: The Diamondbacks veteran prankster of the team who’s always laughing, give him the Snickers bar. He must love Halloween.

INF/OF Josh Rojas: HMMM, Rojas, Rolos. Simple as that.

INF/OF Pavin Smith: The rookie who came in clutch and played many positions to save this team, Pavin was a Lifesaver.

C/OF Daulton Varsho: The man who can hit, steal bases, and play catcher is an Almond Joy. It’s a joy to watch him and like the Almond Joy with Almonds, Chocolate, and coconuts, he’s a 3-tool player.

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SP Madison Bumgarner: The only player on this roster to have won a World Series, show off your Ring Pop Madison!

SP Zac Gallen: His nickname is MilkMan. Milkman, meet Milky Way.

SP Tyler Gilbert: Admittedly, this was between Dots and Zero Bar. I went with Zero Bar as he threw a No-Hitter and put up all zeroes.

SP Merrill Kelly: Kelly always gets the job done no matter how it needs to happen. He gets you in a spot to win, just like the Crunch Bar. It’s great, steady, and always does the job, even tho it’s not special in any one singular way.

RP Joe Mantiply: Mounds, since he found himself on the mound in relief far too often this year. Our consistent steady performer from the Pen.

SP/RP Matt Peacock: Oh Peacock, how you delivered so many crucial hits or innings when we needed it most. You’re the Hot Tamales of the team. Always providing the spiciness and fire for when we need it most.

RP Noe Ramirez: Noe was put into a lot of tough situations as he became one of our most trusted bullpen arms that seemed to always get his job done. He had to pull off many Twix to keep the score close.
SP/RP Caleb Smith: I thought of so many for Caleb, that it was hard to choose. Alas, I went with Sweet Tarts. He’s either going to give you a sour or sweet game every time. Additionally, he’s rather tart on the field pitching angry, and sweet in the dugout and off the field.

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SP Luke Weaver: The man who’s always smiling and being upbeat deserves to be known as the Jolly Rancher. Stay Jolly Luke.

RP J.B. Wendelken: With a hard last name, I thought “Whatchamacallit” would be appropriate.

SP/RP Taylor Widener: Taylor burst onto the starting pitching scene with an excellent start to the season. Hence the nickname, Starburst.

As always,

Happy Halloween!


May the Force be with You during the rest of this Spooky Month…